Is there anyone else out there who cannot stop researching? For the last three years, I’ve been on a kick where I am reading book after book, blog post after blog post, listening to podcast after podcast, and they are leading me into this beautiful spiral of knowledge on spirituality, and I don’t think I am alone.
It started when I broke down and realized that I had a closed mind. I was watching a documentary with my boyfriend (now fiancé). It was something by Bill Maher where he is relentlessly slamming all religions. A memorable fact for me was that before Christianity was created, there were many religions that had a prophet or god born of a virgin. He goes on to describe Christ-like figures that existed in other religions before the Bible existed. Then the Bible brought all these ideas together and created Christianity.
At the time, I was a staunch believer in the Bible and felt completely attacked. I had such a deep emotional connection and upbringing with the church, and I felt as if Satan himself had created this documentary (that is a total exaggeration, but you get the point), and I started to cry. We talked about the documentary, and I tried to defend my faith. I soon realized, however, that the faith I was defending wasn’t my own. I had only claimed this faith because I was brought up in the church. My parents were Christians, and growing up, I was told that being a Christian was the only way to salvation.
I went to a Christian conference in high school where we learned the “GOSPEL” acronym and went to people’s houses to evangelize the Word to them:
G-God created us to be with Him. O-Our Sins separate us from God. S-Sins cannot be removed by good deeds. P-Paying the price for sin, Jesus died and rose again. E-Everyone who believes in Him, and Him alone, will have eternal life. L-Life that’s eternal means we will be with God forever in Heaven. (The acrostic spells GOSPEL)
This was a basic summary of the Bible we were to use to tell people the ideas that would bring them to admit their wrongs, believe in Christ, and join us in Heaven. We wanted to save them all from Hell.
Hell. I soon realized that was the debilitating fear that kept me from exploring any other ideas, religions, or “spirituality” (this word often brought on some weird new age picture of people meditating, wearing crystals, and having free love). I almost let this fear keep me from the most incredible connection with God I would ever experience. When it came to finally facing the fear of hell, I knew that it made no sense to stay in a religion based on fear. That is a form of entrapment many religions use to this day, or would I dare to call it brainwashing even?
I am not saying that religion cannot be a beautiful experience. Worship was a fulfilling experience for me. Singing in harmony in a group of people all seeking God made my heart literally sing! That’s when I felt a deep connection to the Divine. I am learning now about energy and vibration and heart math. I know that we were all connecting to each other too in a way that transcends this earth.
When my fiancé and I talked after the Bill O’Reilly documentary, I knew that I needed to seek after my own faith, so I followed the verse in Matthew, “Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you shall find. Knock and the door will be opened to you.” I was about to embark on the most enlightening three years of my life. I haven’t stopped researching since that day.
I have studied meditation, holistic ways of healing, sacred geometry, decrystallizing (if that’s even a word) your pineal gland, past life regression therapy, fasting, aliens, gnosticism, Mystic Christianity, and healing through the use of psychedelics, and that was just what I remember from 2018. Maybe you think I’ve lost it. I definitely thought I did, but this year, I have seen signs in my dreams and synchronicities in my life and my friend’s lives that have revealed to me that something revolutionary is happening to humanity right now, and I am thankful I get to be a part of it!
I left the church when I started to feel like an outsider. I was still attending while reading about gnosticism, with an open mind (and no, I didn’t become a gnostic). That day, in the sermon, the pastor started talking about gnostics, and he flung judgments at them I was surprised came out of a “loving” pastor’s mouth. I knew that day that it was time to leave.
I am thankful now to be where I am: meditating and exploring daily, loving every human as if we are all one body, showing my light to everyone I meet, and giving without reservation. Through my “spiritual awakening,” or whatever you want to call it, I have grown closer to God and demonstrated more of the values of Christ than I ever did while in the church. I wish more people would have an open mind and be more mindful of every moment. They may just find that what they are resisting is exactly what they were seeking the whole time.
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