We are often so focused on the goals we have in life, we put off our happiness until we reach the goal, and I'm guilty of this right now! I have been putting off my happiness until I publish a book. It may sound silly to some, but this has been a life-changing goal of mine for a few years now. And I have let it take over my thoughts!
I constantly wonder when I'm have to time to write. If I haven't written during the day, I see my entire day as a failure, even though I've accomplished many times, sometimes including very important self-care practices (after all, in human design I am a projector, and I need to rest to establish any level of productivity--even though I fight it).
In the book I'm reading now "Atomic Habits," the author says it's important to fall in love with the process, rather than holding off happiness until the goal is reached. Otherwise, we make one goal after another, thinking we'll be happy when they're accomplished, and instead we don't experience the full joy of creating!
If I start to allow myself to fully enjoy the process of creating this book, rather than thinking about the outcome (a New York Times bestseller, wink wink), then it may actually get done! I've locked myself in this constant cycle of fear and hatred. I'm fearful of never achieving this lofty goal and hating on myself for never writing, and these feelings are not conducive to creation. Instead I'm stuck in a loop I loathe and feel certain I can't escape! Maybe this is the better way I've been looking for...
So how can I think of a way to focus on the system of writing rather than the goal?
First off, I think I can start by making smaller and more achievable goals but not focusing too much on holding myself to the standard of completing them by a certain time. The book I want to write is a memoir, focusing on the bipolar episodes in my life. This a daunting process, picking apart all the traumatic moments and remember them. It's excruciating to be honest and very emotional. No wonder I haven't been looking forward to writing!
In the last book I read, "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle, the book is broken apart into essay format, each chapter of different lengths on different subjects. Some chapters are incredibly short (a paragraph even), but all her ideas are so deep and monumental! I love her writing, so I'm going to take a page out of her book (or the format out of the book to be more exact) and start by writing essays. This seems much more manageable and like a more enjoyable process.
I read a book on busting out a novel in a month that had me thinking I needed to write my book cover to cover, so that's what I tried, and it's not working. For one, I often times don't want to start where I left off. I have inspiration to write something completely different and feel pigeon-holed into writing from that baseline. So instead of writing what I want, I don't even start. And on top of that, I tend to forget what I wrote before. This had probably led to page after page of repetition because I can't go back and read the previous twenty pages before I start again. This approach does not seem to work for a memoir, maybe for a how-to book or even a fiction novel where you already have the storyline laid out, but not for remembering your life on paper.
So here's to new beginnings...as the blue moon approaches this Halloween/Samhain (and it's even in my Sun Sign, Taurus), we are invited to symbolically release. So with this reminder of letting go, I release my attachment to finishing a book. Instead, I am going to take bite-size chunks out of this massive goal and enjoy the process of healing, through the therapy of writing down my experiences in essay form, whether I feel inspired to write a paragraph or twenty pages. This way, when inspiration hits, I can write what I want. My resolution is to enjoy this new system I have created and to write something small every day. Wish me luck!