Little to No Inspiration in Chicago

I have to admit that I don't think that what I have to say is brilliant. It feels boring. I want to write something amazing and exciting. But how can I do that when I use words like "amazing" and "exciting"? I read magazines and books every day that prove to me that my vocabulary sucks. And here I am again, sitting at my computer, with the desire I've had for months to let out all the creativity building in me, to communicate with the world in an original way. And all that comes out...is this.

If you've never had the desire to be a writer, you've probably never felt this shame. I shame myself all the time for not being a great writer. I want to write books and blog every day. I want to write a book about what it was like in high school, experiencing an extremely paranoid mania, one of my first bipolar episodes, in a way that captivates and puts me on the bestseller list within weeks, and here I am writing about how difficult it is to come up with elevated vocabulary and remembering how strenuous it felt to finally open my laptop again and begin writing. Why is it that what pleases you the most often falls at the bottom of a "To Do List"?

I'm not looking for sympathy here or encouragement, just trying to get my thoughts down on paper once again, hoping it will shake some inspiration loose.

I'm in Chicago, about to go to the hotel lobby and walk with my captain to the nearby theater for "It Part II." Hmmm, maybe Stephen King can inspire me (or whoever was the director for this film)? Also, does anyone else notice that their inspiration only seems to hit right as they're falling asleep? Maybe I'll go to bed an hour early and start writing before bed...sorry for how crappy and uninspiring this post is.