Sunday morning. Drinking a decaf London fog I made at home. Olivia is fast asleep. I was hoping to make it to Koinonia (one of the peace churches in town) but since I took her out of the car seat and she's in the crib, I don't see that happening. Oh well, plans change.
I'm reading a book on the Zen teachings of Jesus, and one of the principles of Zen is gentleness; we must be as flexible as water. Water molds into whatever space it is placed into, without care, without a fight. C.S. Lewis describes Christianity as a fighting religion, but Jesus didn't want this at all! He wants us to be flexible with our plans and our minds! I don't need to fight everything that happens every day but just go with the flow, just as water does.
It's easier said than done. Most people have an idea of how their day will go, even a visit to the post office. As soon as they show up and the line is snaking out the door, they resist. They resist the experience because it bothers them immediately that their plans have to change. Michael Singer talks about this feeling a lot in his books/podcast. We need to stay open. When we resist and close our heart, those feelings get stuffed inside. This is how energy gets trapped in our bodies.
I used to feel frightened and sick when I saw the model of the red truck my ex's mom owned, that he used to always drive. He was abusive, and I started to associate that same model with him. I would see a random person's red truck and feel sick, all the memories flooding back. But I've been trying to let that go. I still think of him when I see the car, but I'm working on sending him and his mom love when I see it. All I want is to cut those energetic cords, and I have notice that I have become less and less attached to the stories I've told myself about when we were together. I know I was there for a purpose, and I can give a new meaning, a new classification, to those times in my life.
I'm more focused on the present lately. I think that's another reason those feelings have less importance. I am raising a baby, and she is redefining my life. All I care about now is being an example to her, of a strong woman who pursues her dreams. One of my dreams is writing for a living, so I'm making it a priority to sit down and write every day. It's also one of my intentions for the month ahead, to write daily. Today is a new moon and the Lion's gate portal, which is so powerful for manifestations, and during new moons, setting clear intentions for the next 28 days is a great practice.
This next moon cycle, I plan to write and meditate daily and go to bed earlier so I have plenty of creative energy for my goals. What are your goals for the next 28 days?
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