In the book the Celestine Prophecy, one of the insights talks about when we're all "enlightened" or have moved to that specific level or frequency, we will see the conversation flow to the next person. It won't be about "one-uping" each other or interrupting or just waiting for our next chance to speak and not really listening. Instead, the conversation will just flow. One person will speak, and there will be a pause after their point comes to a natural conclusion. The energy will flow to the next person who has something important to contribute, and on and on.
I struggle with wanting to dominate a conversation. I'm what people might refer to as an extrovert. I love to hold everyone's attention. But is it really fair when they don't get the same from me when they're speaking. In conversation, when someone else is speaking, it's like I am observing my brain from outside of it, listening to it talk and whir, meanwhile I am begging it to pay attention!!! I want to glue my lips shut, and then blah! Whatever I'm thinking comes out, interrupting the other person, and I feel like I have disrespected them. I haven't given them the same respect they gave me by allowing them to speak.
And then there's the times I pull the conversation to myself. Someone is talking about themself, and I'm really just trying to relate. It's not coming from an inner narcissism, but the only response I can think of is something about myself. Sometimes it's good to relate an experience of mine to what someone is saying so they feel less alone in their experience, and sometimes it just invalidates what they're feeling because instead of me responding to what they said, I'm almost changing the subject and shifting it all to focus on me.
Some days, I do have the insight to sit back and say "Increase your response time." The best reminder for me! It came from The Law of Human Nature, a book my husband's been reading for three years now. It means, think about what the person just said. Don't just say what you've been thinking about saying the whole time they were thinking. Sit there, actually listen, and when a natural pause comes in the conversation, increase your response time. Pause and think before you say anything. It's a great reminder! And when I remember it, I have much deeper conversations, where I don't feel like I've monopolized the whole thing.
So if you're a fellow conversation-monopolizer, like myself, maybe take a moment next time you're in a conversation with friends, family, or strangers, and remind yourself to increase your response time. And learn to listen. It's life changing, for you and the people around you.
And listen to Glennon Doyle's podcast episode this week titled "Real Talk," that got me thinking about the topic of conversation this morning:
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